"Hope" - a short story
I wanted to release it in honor of Dolly’s passing. She truly was an icon who never stopped living a full life. I wrote this story in 2016. I was struck late one night while listening to Dolly Parton’s “Jolene”. Creativity hits us all in different kinds of ways. It’s fun to see how far my writing has come in over a decade. This is raw and mostly unedited. -Colleen
Hope
A Short Story
by colleen young
© Colleen Young
I adjusted the barrette that held back the top half of my thick red hair. I hated interviewin’ for jobs. Today I had stopped in four different shops and diners in this one-horse town. Being I quit schooling after tenth grade I am only gonna get hired as a maid, waitress, or nanny. I didn't like dealing with peoples who could afford themselves nannies (snobs) and I didn’t like cleanin’ up after peoples who can afford themselves a maid neither (bigger snobs). Waitressin' is more my style. All walks of life paid the same prices for the same meals and tended to tip according to how well I had done within the time I arrived at their table to the time I left. I tended to know what someone wanted right before they asked for it. It was the only thing I had ever been good at, according to my soon-to-be ex-husband.
That son of a bitch hit me for the last time six days ago. I told myself, one more time, many many times ago. This time he walloped me good causin’ me to lose my balance and smack my temple against the corner of the kitchen table. I always thought people was jokin’ when they said they’d seen stars after takin’ a beatin’, turns out it’s true. I saw stars and then nothing but black.
When I came to, the clock read two hours later. The son of bitch just left me there. Even had the gull to step over my body to turn off the burners that I was cookin’ supper on and left me the dirty dishes to deal with.
The next morning, once he’d done “made up” with me in the bedroom and left for work I peeled apart the mattress and boxspring findin’ the envelope that I’d been savin’ money in for all the last times that came before this one. I had a little over three hundred dollars.
“That’ll have to do,” I murmured to no one but the air.
I packed a bag, wrote a note telling that bastard that he’d hit me for the last time, and headed to the bus station buying a ticket to a small town in Georgia that was hundreds of miles from my ex and somewhere for me to start fresh. Long ago I decided I deserved better than the way he’d been treated me and I used my hidden tip money to buy a map at the gas station. After the really bad beatings, I would lay it out on the kitchen table planning my eventual escape. I did this for a year. I kept focusin’ on a little town named Hope. It kept calling to something inside of me, something that longed to hope for anything.
I climbed the steps into Dot’s Diner hopin’ that the makeup I applied this morning was still doing its job and hidin’ my bruised cheekbone. Dot of Dot’s Diner interviewed me on the spot. I noticed Dot checking out my cheek and before the interview concluded Dot made sure to ask if the reason for the blemish was going to be any trouble. I pulled my shoulders back and said, “Shouldn’t be, I’d done left all that behind.”
Dot tossed a yellow diner dress at me, complete with a white apron and frilly hat. Dot smiled a tiny approving smile. “I just so happened to have a girl quit a few days ago, she was about the same size as you. I’m short of help, can you start right now?”
I nodded and pulled the name tag I had from my first job out of my pocketbook. I asked Dot if it was okay to put it on. Dot seemed impressed and said, “We gonna get along just fine.”
I agreed. Dot showed me around. Once you’ve worked as a waitress you know the drill. Maybe the coffee pots are in a different place or maybe they wanted you to write the tickets a certain way but it was easy to catch on.
My new job began just in time for the lunch rush. A table in my section was already occupied. I brought a menu to a man with dark hair, flecked with silver on the edges. He looked up at me and back down to the menu I placed in front of him. He pushed it back towards me.
“No need for that ma’am. I’ll have my regular.” Irritation ignited my chest. This new Jolene. The Jolene of Hope, Georgia didn’t put up with know-it-all men like my good for nothing ex. I didn’t know his damned regular! Why do men always think they rule the world? They do when they spout things like that.
“Sorry sir, I don’t know your regular, it’s my first day ya see.”
He smiled a friendly smile full of straight white teeth. If I was in the attraction place in life I assumed that I’d liked that smile, but since I didn’t like men too much right now it was annoyin' me.
“Sorry there Darlin,” he looked up at my name tag, “Jolene - that’s a mighty nice name.”
I nodded and tapped my pen on the pad while I waited for him to spill the beans on his regular order. He didn’t speak. I reminded myself to smile and remembered that I solely lived off of tips now, no husband to fill in the gaps no more.
“Yes, thank you, sir, my mama gave me that name. Never had time to ask why on account I left home when I was sixteen.”
“Maybe you should write her or call on the payphone?”
Maybe not. Cause she was a miserable son-of-a-cuss who only has a love for the current man in her life and not her children.
“Maybe I should do that.” I murmured to appease the man. Tips. Tips. Tips.
He’s stared a long time at my face and it made me wonder if he was accessing my bruise. I tilted that side of my face away from his view.
“You better get on now and let me know this regular order that I’ll be needin' to know.”
He laughed and it was a nice laugh, that is if I were into hearing a man laugh. But right now I ain’t.
“My apologies darlin’ I’d like a sweet tea, BLT, and home fries. Sometimes I order a piece of pie but not always on account of my pants are gettin’ a little too tight.”
He smiled again.
I wrote down the order and chose to ignore his joke about tight pants. I didn’t want to care about his pants being tight. “Yes sir, I’ll have that right out.” I took the order to the cook who also smiled wide at me, much like the man in the booth did. I didn’t care for all this smiling very much. Maybe this was what it was like when you came to a small town? Maybe they all knew I was new and that was what all the smiling was about.
I brought the man his regular and he kindly thanked me like I’d done invited him over for dinner and made the food myself. I attended to my other tables and when I returned to the regular he’d gone, paid his bill and left a lot of extra money for a tip. That big tip made me feel bad for not likin’ his talkin’ and smiling so much. Ain’t his fault I ran off and married a mean man when I was a teenager. Tomorrow I’ll be kinder to him.
My shift ended after lunch. I helped clean up the diner and left at 3. I headed to my tiny apartment that had no tv. On that note, I decided to find a library and checked out some books since I got no tv and no friends.
At my next shift, I kept my eye on the clock waitin' for the regular to come back. I’d been thinkin’ about him from time to time. I figured it was because I was bored and had nothing else to think about. I’m used to not thinking about my shit for brains husband. Not thinkin’ about him is what helped me get through the last ten years. But the regular man seemed nice. Not like my ex once seemed nice. When thought back to me and my ex first gettin’ on, there was always something about the way he talked to me, and the way he treated me, that maybe if I were a little bit older I might have been able to recognize wasn’t kind.
I spotted the regular rounding the corner with a newspaper tucked under one arm. He looked through the wall of glass into the diner quickly spottin' me. He looked away as if he’d seen me catch him. The regular opened the door for a woman with two kids before entering himself. He smiled at the kids the same way he smiled at me yesterday. So, he was just a friendly man and wasn’t giving me secret attracting like smiles. You ain’t nothin’ special Jolene. I head to the kitchen and immediately put his order.
I filled up a glass of ice and sweet tea sliding it across his table. “Here you go.”
He nodded and took a deep sip as his eyes slid toward mine. “Ahhhh.”
“Good day?” I asked though the words flet strange as they came outta my mouth.
“Yes, it is. I hope you’re having a good day too Jolene. Glad to see you remembered my order.”
I give the regular a small smile.
“How are you liking Hope so far?”
“What gave me away?” I ask in a wonderin’ way, as i leaned my hip onto the high back of the booth across from him.
“I was born and raised here, only left to go to college. So I know about everyone and I’ve never seen you before.”
I tried to ignore the stirring inside of me at being noticed. I responded, “I’m liking it, only been here a few days and only really talked to you, Dot, and cook.”
He nodded and scanned at the bruise on my cheek again. “Any pie today?” I asked, not liking the sound of my voice. It was higher than normal.
He took a sip of his tea, “Not today, Jolene. I really only have pie when I am in a very very good mood.”
He opened up his paper unfolded it carefully and then refolded it in tight quarters with the front page facin’ him. I should had left but I didn’t. I wanted to pry. I heard my mama in my head sayin’ mind your own Jolene it ain’t none of your bidness’.
“You be sure to let me know when you are in a good mood and I’ll be sure to get you that pie with whip cream.”
He tilted his head and showed that smile again. Today I felt it’s warmth. I liked that this time I helped put it there, “Yes ma’am, that’d be mighty fine, I’ll let ya know.”
I knew now was the time to walk away, the time to leave him wanting more and as I walked away something inside of me whispered to do just that, with a little extra swing in my hips. And I did.
The weeks and months went by quickly. The hot Summer changed to a crisp Fall. I shopped at Goodwill to find warmer clothing for the season. I didn’t have much extra money to spend so I only got a few items. Shortly after my Goodwill trip Dot brought a box to work sayin’ she’d been busy cleaning out her attic. She stored the box in the back of the kitchen and told me that if I wanted any of the clothing I could have it, otherwise she’d just toss it in the dumpster. Dot said she didn’t care either way. Since it was gonna be trash I skimmed through it surprised that the entire box was in my size. Which ain’t Dot’s size, by a long shot. That was when I figured this may be charity but I ain’t in no place to refuse so I added the box to my small collection at home.
In the months that had passed I came to look forward to the regular. I had other regulars, of course. Other customers I had joked with or ones that I asked about their days, but none like him. I noticed when he got his hair trimmed and when he cut his chin shaving. I noticed when he smelled different or the couple of days I made him real happy and he ordered some pie. I always watched the clock waiting for him to take his regular booth and grab his regular order. He never came later than noon, except for one day when he got held up. He made sure and apologized for that. I realized at that moment, as he apologized to me with water dripping from his face that our daily business must mean just the same to him as it did to me.
December rolled around and I done been in Hope for five months. Hope has started to feel like my home. I added a tiny tree with some tiny ornaments next to the mattress I slept on. I didn’t miss my ex like I thought I might. I did believe that maybe I became hopeful in Hope, just like I hoped. I ain’t missed one rent payment yet. With the regulars help I filed for divorce from my husband, turned out the regular was a lawyer, and of course he is. Seemed like all the good ones were lawyers or doctors or handled other people's money.
I reminded myself that no lawyer was gonna fall for a waitress in the midst of a divorce. He was better than that.
I went about my business when a woman appeared in my section. The woman’s eyes followed me around the diner. I knew women didn’t tend to like me sometimes because of my green eyes, bright red hair, porcelain skin and large chest. Mama said I was like a snowflake, ain’t many the same. Still, I always just thought I looked, like I looked; which is nice on some days and not nice on others.
The woman ordered water with a piece of cherry pie. As I walked around the diner I felt the woman as she watched me. When I looked her way she looked away. Come to think of it, I had seen this woman before. She came in sometimes but never took up the same booth as the time before. I had noticed her watching a few other times too.
I brought the woman her pie and totaled her out leaving the ticket on the table. The woman cleared her throat, “Jolene.” I turned and looked down at the brunette who looked sad, with pale gray eyes and cheeks that need a little rouge.
“Yes, ma’am?”
“I was wondering if you’d be able to take your break to talk to me for a minute.”
I looked at the clock, I could take my break but I didn’t wanna talk to this woman who stared too long at me. I had done heard about women liking women, while I don’t fault people for it, love who you wanna love, but it ain’t for me.
“It’s about my husband. He’s your regular; BLT with sweet tea and homefries.”
He had a wife. This was her. Since my knees felt weak I decided it was about time for my break and sat in the booth across from the wife feeling guilty for liking a married man as much as I did. I didn’t want to be a homewrecker.
“I’m sorry. He doesn’t know I’m here.”
I nodded while her stomach clenched in knots, “I ain’t never done anything with him, he was just my customer.”
“I’m glad to hear that. You see Jolene, the only reason I know about you is that he talks about you in his sleep.” The woman paused and looked out the window to the leafless trees. Her sad eyes looked back at mine.
“Jolene, I can’t compete with you. You’re beautiful, everything about you. Seeing you and talking to you, I see why he likes you.” There was a pause while the woman’s face shifted in pain, “I know you can take him if you want. I’m just asking you not to. You could have your choice of men but I’ll never love again. He’s the only one for me.”
I dropped my face into my hands. Why’d he have to be married? Why’d he have to smile at me the way he did and talk to me the way he did?
“Jolene I had to come here and have this talk with you. My happiness depends on you and whatever you decide to do. But I am beggin’ you please Jolene don’t take him, even though you can.”
Without hesitation I said, “Don’t you worry. I ain’t interested in being the other woman. I didn’t know he was married.”
“I don’t suppose you did. He don’t like his ring, the second it touched his skin we found out he had an irritation to metal.”
I nodded at the wife, “He was the first man who done been nice to me since I left my ex. I didn’t mean no harm.”
The wife stood up, “I know Jolene, I’m sorry to have to tell you all of this but thank you kindly for listening.”
After the wife left I told Dot I wasn’t feeling too well leaving my shift early. As I headed back to my apartment pieces of my heart broke off and fell like glass tiles on the brick walkway under my feet. I had done fallen for that regular that I didn’t know too much about. Only the little things I learned each day. I imagined a life with him, maybe him taking me on a date or kissing me at the end of that date. I imagined he was a nice man. A man who didn’t back hand his wife for burning the rice or forgetting to pick up his beer.
When I arrived home , I turned on the heater and pulled out my map. It was time to move on. Ain't no hope left in Hope anymore.
